You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
