she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
