I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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