There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
