eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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