Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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