oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize