just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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