god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
