he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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