Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
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I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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