the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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