don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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