Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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