If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
