Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
