My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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