Moan for me like Helen Keller
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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