And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So much rum. So many feels.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
