I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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