is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
