Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
