What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
