My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
