Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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