Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
