yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
