you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Thank you for not boning my boss.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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