I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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