so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
