Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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