I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
