I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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