i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
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Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
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My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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