I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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