I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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