I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
