New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
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Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
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you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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