Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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