The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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