I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
