I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
