it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
