I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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