WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
