i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
