He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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