I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
