i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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