I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
