He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
