break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
