God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
