Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
