I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
