There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
