our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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