So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
