dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That's how pantless uber rides happen
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
