SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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