As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I believe in your delicious
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
