We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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