2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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