omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
someone threw a dead crab at me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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