You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
they're like a gay fantastic four
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
