I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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