i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
