Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
