you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
