I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
