someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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