dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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