having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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