Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
