i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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