he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.