I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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