Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Thank you for not boning my boss.
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome