Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
